Coffee Random thoughts on the end of the world

Coffee Random thoughts on the end of the world

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Random thoughts on the end of the world

Your last chance to sample some real JBM (part I)

Dear Readers,

This may be your last chance to sample a cup of the REAL Jamaica Blue Mountain Coffee.

Firstly let me apologise for the dramatic "title" to this article: but there could well be more than just a modicum of truth to it.

The opening months of 2011 were a disaster for our coffee crop, not just on my small plantation, but across the whole region. We had an unusually wet start to the year, which much reduced the coffee flowering, and when they did flower, the wet weather prevented a lot of the flowers "setting": and that was followed later in the year, by a total lack of any hurricanes, or even a mild tropical storm: just the weather the coffee borer beetles, enjoy.

Add to this weather problem, the low prices ( due to the world recession of a couple of years ago ) paid to the small growers over the last 3 crops, for the coffee cherries, which has resulted, in minimal insecticide spraying to control the pest ( because the small growers have not had the money to buy it ) and the beetles have greatly increased in numbers.

Early 2012, and the "experts" are predicting as much as a 30% reduction in this years crop, already the early pickings are showing a borer beetle infection rate several times the normal rate ( in some places, as high as 23%, well above the normal rate, of about 4% ).


A full grown Coffee Borer Beetle ( that small black blur, on the white paper ) you can at least get a good idea of just how small they are: the pictured one, is a fully grown female, ready to fly off and lay eggs in the coffee beans. At this scale, a single green coffee bean, would fill more than half of the frame.

Apologies for the poor picture quality, my little camera cannot focus properly on such small objects:

With an expected small crop this year, and 2012, being widely predicted as the end of the World, or at least the end of the world, as we know it, this may well be the last chance you will ever have to enjoy a cup of the real JBM coffee.

The "Apocalypse", is generally predicted to occur at midnight, on the winter solstice, December 21st: the precise time will depend on where you are living: I would like to pass on to you all, my advice on dealing with the event.

If you have been thinking about a visit to the beautiful Island: see the JBM coffee growing in its natural habitat, sampling the coffees from various producers, and enjoying not only the wonderful tropical weather, the world famous beaches, the magnificent Blue Mountains; the awesome "Jerk" style of cooking; then delay no longer, you only have a few months left!!

Preparing for the Apocalypse:-

After your visit to our Jamaican paradise, time to get into the last minute planning.

Do all your shopping on the credit card ( you won't have to pay it off, as the world will have ended ) and go round the shops getting all your favourite "consumables" that you can eat and drink: and if you have not tried it before, include a pack of JBM, your last chance to sample some!! There is no point in getting durable items, you will never have the opportunity to use them.

Early evening, Apocalypse Eve, get a few special friends around, and prepare the most expensive, meal you can cook: super-expensive wines, some JBM coffee: several bottles of rare, old, single malt Scotch whiskey ( or, in my case, 21 year old vintage Jamaican, rum, or what ever is your most favourite "tipple" ) "raid" the "Christmas" food cupboard, settle down and consume them, with your friends and family: and await the moment of the Apocalypse.

It is such a special occasion, that a "TV dinner" is totally inappropriate: an occasion that fully justifies a "formal" dinner party: the best of food, wine, coffee, and followed by the liqueurs, and spirits; an occasion for conversation, and the finer "arts" of socialisation: not sitting hypnotised, fixed on the "goggle-box": an occasion to gently, in the best of company, slowly and carefully, construct your "end of the World", hangover!!

When ( IF??? ) the world is still there the next day ( you may wish it was not, viewed through your carefully constructed, mega-hangover! ) just try this Jamaican hangover cure:-

A classic Jamaican remedy:
Chop up 2 or 3 large, ripe bananas, and put in the food processor, with 12 ounces of cold milk, 2 teaspoons of honey, one small egg, and a few ice cubes: "zap" until it forms a smooth liquid: drink whilst still cold.
Optional: a little vanilla flavouring.

If you are very well organised, and a bit sceptical about the "world ending"; make it ( minus the ice ) the evening before, and leave in the coldest part of the fridge, overnight: in the morning, shake well before drinking. Acidic drinks, like orange juice, are not recommended for a hangover!

Scepticism or disbelief, are poor excuses for not making "Apocalypse Eve" a special celebration, after all; you could be wrong!!

Some calculation may be necessary to get the exact moment of the apocalypse:-

As the Mayans predicted it; midnight on December 21st, that would most likely be local ( Belize ) time; which is GMT plus 6 hours, the Mayan predicted time would be ( in UK ) 6.00am, on the morning of December 22nd: so the timing of your hangover, should be very easy!!

No doubt, as the time approaches, there will be plenty of information as to the exact moment it will happen; plan to start your celebrations with allowance for the time difference, and earliest prediction, and covering the period to the latest one: after all, you would not want to waste all that "serious" single malt whiskey, by getting the timing wrong!!!

For numerologists, the date of the Apocalypse, is predicted to be December 12th: ( 12-12-12 ) so make the proper allowances for both dates.

In reality, the timing(s) of the Apocalypse, are rather convenient: just a few days before Christmas: for my part, I will just "advance" my Christmas plans ( the eating and drinking ) to the 12th of December, and repeat it all on the 21st, so I can be certain I don't miss out; AND, if neither of the apocalypse(s) actually happen, we still have the Christmas festivities, just a few ( recovery!! ) days later, to do it all, again. [ what a fantastic "excuse" for 3 parties!! ]

December 21st is a Friday, which MUST have been foreseen by the Mayans, ( the numerologists lose this one, choosing a mid-week day ) with the thought in mind, that in the remote possibility they may be wrong, we can all celebrate, without the horrors of getting to work, on the morning after! giving us the opportunity to properly celebrate in the pre-Apocalypse, hours: yet another verification (??), of the accuracy, and thoughtfulness, of their predictions!!


Sun set over the Blue Mountains.

How the Apocalypse could happen

For any event to be called "The Apocalypse", it would have to have major effects on the whole planet, and cause death and destruction to every community in the world: this eliminates all the local, or regional, catastrophes, which may ( or may, not ) occur.

There are many dozens of theories about what will actually happen at the moment of the Apocalypse, ranging from barely plausible, to absolutely ludicrous! None of them agree on the way the Apocalypse will actually happen:-

1) The Biblical "rapture" scenario: at the moment the end of the world, starts, all those to be saved will suddenly vanish: "raptured" to their new celestial home. Those of us who remain will then be subjected to 7 years of "tribulation", as the anti-Christ prepares for the great battle with God, at "Armageddon".

The word "rapture" ( even using very poor translations from the original texts ) just does NOT exist in the writings, it is an 19th Century "invention": and the whole concept of the rapture, is made up from a series of phrases, dotted throughout the new testament; cobbled together, to come up with this idea. I am certain, that using this methodology, you could find a biblical "truth", to prove anything you wanted to!

The second part of any "Biblical" Apocalyptic event : it is clearly stated in the Bible: that the moment of the Apocalypse, is a moment known ONLY to God, kept in his mind, and unknowable, to any other "entity": this tells all believers that any date given to us, has to be wrong! God will, at a moment of his choosing, and totally without us having any forewarning, initiate the Apocalypse.

2) A cosmic collision, with an asteroid or comet.

The current sky surveys, looking for just such an object, ( one large enough to destroy the world ) have detected nothing to date, but if and when they do, we will have at least several months notice, and will probably be able to "nuke" it.

3) A natural, earth, disaster.

Of all the Earthly, possibilities; far and away the most likely ( in my analysis of all the information ) is a "super" volcanic eruption, and the most likely culprit, would be the Yellowstone caldera.

An eruption of this super volcano, would rapidly destroy most of the North American continent, with a combination of the shock waves, and lava ejections: and the dust ejected into the atmosphere, would virtually destroy the rest of the world; inducing another ice-age, and wiping out the vast majority of the Human race, along with the majority of all other species of plants and animals.

4) A Global plague: A plague which could come from outer space, a species-specific virus, which evolved in a comet, and when the comet passes close to Earth, the virus is released in to the tail of the comet, and the dust, with the virus, slowly drifts to the ground, and the apocalyptic pandemic occurs!

This is a remote possibility, but one has to wonder what sort of plague ( which mankind has survived, over thousands of years ) would be able to wipe-out humanity, to "Apocalyptic" proportions.

Just what are the chances of a "species specific" ( to us Humans ) infectious organism, evolving on a Comet: one chance in billions??? This idea is too slow, taking several weeks for it to spread, and have any real apocalypic effects; that could be dated to the specific time.

5) An "induced" apocalypse.

Currently the most "favoured" scenario, is the Iranians nuking, Israel ( unless the Israelis nuke them first ): and the ensuing Holy war, Jihad, developing into the apocalypse.

Opponents of this scenario, point out that such a war would be very short, and result in the destruction of little more than parts of Iran, and Israel, and, possibly, a few other parts of the Middle East; causing a very temporary disruption of access to the Iranian oil reserves. But you can see their major concern, access to the Iranian oil reserves!!!

All the other ( rational, or semi-rational ) theories involve ideas which are far too slow to cause a sudden, "Apocalyptic" event: a reversal of the Earth's magnetic poles, or a shift of the Earths axis, are events which have occurred in the past, but they take millions of years. Even Global warming, is far too slow to cause any sudden cataclysm: even if the Gulf Stream stopped flowing, the effects would be slow, ( and, over a minimum of several years ) returning Europe to the scenes as painted by the early Victorian Christmas card artists: the Thames frozen over each winter, Europe would experience similar weather to that usually experienced in the northern parts of the US: Real summers, and snowy winters. Down here, in the tropics, we would get bigger, and more frequent hurricanes.


A Bromeliad in full bloom

The "Evidence"??

On the History channel, over the "limbo" period between Christmas and New Year; we were given a real treat!! Armageddon week: all the crack-pot theories about the coming end of the world: along with some, quite refreshing, opponents of the ideas, who ( in the few moments they are given, near the end of the programme ) "rubbish" virtually all these crack-pot ideas.

Some obvious "desperation" in the programming schedule: showing some programmes made over 10 years ago! and with no mention of the 2012, "end of the world" scenario: just the ideas, and the "failed" predictions, of so many modern "prophets", over the last few hundred years.

Just cast your minds back to December 1999: and all the "doom and gloom" predictions for the turn of the millennium: and what happened; absolutely nothing!!! Despite all the predictions, aeroplanes did not "fall from the skies", our computers did not "crash", there were no earthquakes, or volcanic eruptions: new years day arrived as it has done since our calendar started, and apart from the personal consequences of the celebrations of the night before, everything was perfectly normal.

The most interesting thing about all these "theories", is how many of them, from many different civilisations, all around the world, seem to arrive at almost exactly the same date: the proponents of the theories, use this as a "compelling proof" of the accuracy of the theory: but the only direct, source of this date, of the end coming in 2012 ( midnight, at the winter Solstice, December 21st ) comes from the Mayan calendar; virtually all the other "theories", base their timing on this one, and then manipulate the "prophesies" and time lines, they are using, to fit to this particular date!

If the prophesy you are using, cannot be manipulated to fit, ignore it, and move on to a different one!

Consider the Mayan calendar: who would start a calendar, from a date in the future, and then work backwards? Any cyclic calendar ( 5,200 years in this case ) has to have an end, and a restart date, and in the case of the Mayan calendar, that date just happens ( by pure chance, based on the starting date ) to be 2012, and they used the winter solstice, as a convenient ( and easily measurable ) annual event, to mark the yearly cycle.

Then we get the answer: ancient aliens who visited Earth!! and gave the Mayans the date of the end of the world, and therefore, the start ( and end ) date for their calendar!! But we got no explanation as to the reason for the calendar using a 5,200 years cycle ( a start date; LONG before the Mayans even existed ) and then working back, from 2012, to the start date. There was no explanation for this 5,200 years, and presumably ( or they would have told us all about it ) any particular astronomical "cycle".

There is the 26,000 year cycle when the solar system crosses the galactic equator, if this is going to cause the apocalypse, why this time?? Why is the Earth still here, if it has crossed this "apocalyptic" point, many thousands of times in the past.

A deeper examination of the Mayan calendar, and some of those who study it, have come to the conclusion that their "long" calendar, running over 5 cycles of 5,200 years ( = 26,000 years ); divides our "existence" into 5 parts, 5 "ages of man": and these cycles "reset" to "zero", and start over again, every 26,000 years, as the solar system crosses this "line", marking the galactic equator.

There are a few anomolies in the archeological records, but nothing that even hints at such an occurence ever having happened in the past.

This year, 2012, is also the Chinese year of the "water Dragon", and it has been predicted that the world will end "before the Dragon departs". The Chinese predictions run along the lines of the missing planet ( Nibiru ) which passes through the solar system every 3,600 years ( where are the records from the last time it passed by, around 1,600BC?? ) and will bring "major destruction", caused by a reversal of the Earths spin, which will throw us all into outer space!! [ rubbish of course, that is just not the way gravity and angular momentum, operate! ]

The Chinese new year is from January 23rd, the Mayan calendar from the winter solstice, and our calendar from January 1st: all 3 calendars started in complete isolation from each other, and our Julian calendar has been "adjusted" several times to keep it aligned with the "celestial" calendar. The only common thing between these calendars, is the 365.25 days that it takes the planet to orbit the sun.

We all survived the recent "apocalyptic" date 11-11-11: and now have the next "numerological" doomsday date 12-12-12, to try and survive!! Is it just pure luck, that there will not be a 13-13-13??? OR, is some group of doom-and-gloom merchants going to start using a lunar ( 13 month ) calendar for next year, to manipulate the numbers to make a 13-13-13??

Most of the "cults" who use the Bible as their source of prophesy; ignore the actual words themselves, and have to manipulate the words to fit into their ideas ( an obvious example, is the way they "retranslate" time periods, a written "day" or "week", in "prophesy speek", means years, decades, or centuries; just alter the translation, and adjust carefully, to fit your theory: but always leave room to find your "miscalculations", when nothing happens on the day you predicted; and advance your "new" date by just sufficient time to keep the "faithful" paying you their tithes, without getting disinterested! ).

If you believe the Bible to be accurate, and truthful: then you can be certain of one thing; ANY prophesied date HAS to be wrong, just as it says in the Bible, that the date and time, is known only to god, and shall never be known, ahead of the moment, by anyone else; human or celestial.

IF, these prophets of doom, really believed their own predictions, why do they still want our money?? AND, why do they not spend all the vast amounts of money they have accumulated, on making the last few days of our "earthly existence", more comfortable?? Distributing food to the starving, paying for a multi-million dollar party to celebrate, and welcome, the moment of the Apocalypse??

You do not need to be much of a cynic, to work out the answer!!! As long as there are the naive and gullible, who will easily part with their money, these scammers and con-men, will continue the "Apocalypse Business".

To be continued.....

Robin Plough, friend of

For questions about JBM, mail to: Этот e-mail адрес защищен от спам-ботов, для его просмотра у Вас должен быть включен Javascript

See also:
A New Year on the Plantation
A Visit to Paradise
A year in the life..What makes JBM, the 'legend' of coffee?
Assessing your coffee (part 1)
Assessing your coffee (part 2)
Assessing your coffee (part 3)
Economics of JBM. Part 1
Economics of JBM. Part 2
Everything you wanted to know about the Coffee Board
Growing a coffee plant at home
Growing Coffee. Part 1
Growing Coffee. Part 2
Growing Coffee. Part 3
Growing Coffee. Part 4
Growing Coffee. Part 5
Growing: Part 1
Growing: Part 2
Jamaican food (part 1)
Jamaican food (part 2)
Jamaican food (part 3)
Jamaican newsletter
Living in Paradise: Part I
Living in Paradise: Part II
Living in Paradise: Part III
Processing our coffee (part 1)
Processing our coffee (part 2)
Random thoughts on the end of the world (II)
Special Report: Coffee Leaf Rust Fungus Part 1
Special Report: Coffee Leaf Rust Fungus Part 2
SPECIAL: Coffee borer beetle in Hawaii
Trivia and other ramblings: part 1
Trivia and other ramblings: part 2
Tropical Storm Nichole
see also

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